網站 http://www.happyforum.org/ 歡迎超連結並轉寄網址
論壇 http://www.happyforum.org/happy/ 歡迎至論壇討論
Time：第 14次例會，2009年02月21日（週六）下午2:30 ~5:30點
Place：
viewtopic.php?t=15
14:30~15:30 Free Talk
15:30~16:00 Speaker Session
16:00~17:15 Topic Discussion
17:15~17:30 Happy Time
Host: Daphne Chen
Topic： How to say "NO"
Source: http://www.counsel.ufl.edu/selfHelpInfo ... ay_no.aspx
We all find ourselves at times in situations in which it is difficult to say no. For instance, you've planned to go skiing over Thanksgiving and your parents write you saying how much they'd like you to have Thanksgiving dinner with the family. Your boss asks you to work overtime and you have plans for that evening. A professor asks if you can do some extra work for her on a research project she's working on. You have just bought a new sweater and a friend asks if she can borrow it. Someone asks you out that you don't want to go out with. If you repeatedly find yourself acquiescing or agreeing to these types of requests and feeling unhappy about it you might want to look at some reasons why you say yes when you prefer to say no. You might fear the loss of the relationship or be afraid of damaging the relationship in some way. So you end up treating the relationship as fragile and dependent on your constant compliance. You, like so many people, may feel guilty about saying no since you have been taught to go out of your way to avoid hurting people's feelings. So you end up feeling responsible for the other person's feelings as if their happiness depends on your agreeing. This takes away their right to be responsible for their own feelings. You might feel you are a bad person if you refuse - selfish and self-centered. You have been taught the virtue of self-sacrifice and self-denial. So you end up being more concerned and more considerate of others than you are of yourself. You may feel flattered at being asked. It makes you feel important and you're afraid if you say no this time you'll never be asked again. These are examples of emotional hooks that can interfere with your freedom of action.What are some ways to make it easier to say no? Much of it is cognitive work. The first thing to do is to identify the emotional hooks or beliefs that are getting in your way. For example, if a friend wants to borrow your favorite records to take to a party, what are the negative consequences you anticipate if you say no? Are you afraid he or she will never speak to you again? If you say no to an employer, do you fear being fired from your job? If you say no to a professor, do you anticipate getting a bad grade in the course?
Questions:
1. Are you afraid that you will lose something if you say"No"?
2. Which way do you used to say "NO"? Direct ot indirect? Are you confused when someone refuse you by indirect way?
3. Can you share us some experience that you had to say "No"? When did it happen?
4. Is it disappointed when someone says "NO" to you?
5. Do you consider that everything will worse and worse if you say "NO" more than "Yes"?
例會須知 參與例會，請自行列印當週的討論文章並帶至現場，圖示如下：
請將社團網站，加入我的最愛 http://www.happyforum.org/
新竹，每週六 (2008年8月起)
Hsinchu, Every Saturday
from Aug, 2008
Place：
viewtopic.php?t=15
台中，每週六 (2008年7月起)
Taichung, every Saturday
from July, 2008
Place：
viewtopic.php?t=15
高雄，每週六 (2007年4月起)
Kaohsiung, every Sunday
from April, 2007
Place：
viewtopic.php?t=15
台北，每週六 (2005年6月起)
Taipei, every Saturday
from June, 2005
Place：
viewtopic.php?t=15
