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Time：高雄第7次例會，2007年10月28日（週日）下午2:30~4:30
Place：
viewtopic.php?t=15
14:30~15:15(Free Talks)
15:20~16:30 (Topic Discussion)
Host:Benjamin Yeh
Assistant Host:Alice Chen
Topic:The Power of an Apology
Source: October, 2007; Advanced 彭蒙惠英語; P20~P21
Have you hurt anyone’s feelings lately? Maybe you yelled at someone- but, you say, he really deserved it. Did you remember to go back and apologize later? An apology can keep your hurtful remarks from “bleeding” onto a lot of other people.
For example, a man we’ll call Tom recently told us, “My boss slammed my ego a year ago, and I haven’t gotten over it yet. He has never acted the least bit sorry or tried to smooth things over, even though I have correct all of the problems in my department. ”
When we hurt someone, we need to go back and activity, openly apologize. Otherwise, the person we’ve hurt can pass those emotions on to others. Hurt usually causes ripple effects that keep the “poison” moving on.
Removing the Hurts
“I see clients all of the time who have bruised egos,” says a psychologist friend of ours. We’ll call her Kim. “Some of these individuals are hurting from hateful remarks heard twenty years ago!” she says. “The people who hurt them probably thought the remarks would fizzle. They don’t”
Kim says that hateful words are like painful briars we’ve planted under the skins of other people. “The one who plants the briars must remove them,” she says. “A good old-fashioned apology can work wonders. It doesn’t have to be fancy or wordy. A few simple words, backed up with feeling, will do.”
A woman we’ll call Kelly phoned our office the other day. Kelly is an emergency medical service (EMS) worker. “I just worked a horrible call,” Kelly explained. “A man in my town killed his boss. Then this man drove down the street and plowed his car into a big truck- killing himself.” Kelly believes a quarrel had been brewing between the two for over a year. Neither would apologize or try to de-escalate the tension, according to their coworkers.
Learning to apologize first
“I’ve learned to apologize to my students when I lose my temper,” says a teacher we’ll call Bob. “These kids are upset with family problems, divorced parents and pressures from every turn.” Bob says he encourages his students to share their feelings- right in his math class. “I say to my students, ‘If you’ve argued with your parents, let them know you’re sorry. If you’ve argued with your girlfriend or boyfriend, make it right before the day is over.’”
Apologizing takes real maturity. In fact, those who cannot or will not apologize are not truly mature people. A mature individual is one who can see the problem from all sides- with a decent measure of clarity.
Furthermore, a mature person is one who knows when another person is too immature to offer an apology. So the brighter human extends the hand of apology first. If you’ve quarreled with someone, extend an apology or act of kindness first. Why? When you apologize, you send negative energy and feelings away from yourself. The sooner you do this, the better for all.
Creating positive change
“I decided to apologize to a neighbor who was anger with me,” says a man we’ll call Jack. “Believe me,” says Jack, “I didn’t feel good about the things my neighbor said to me. However, I felt sure he would take his frustrations out on his wife and children. I didn’t want that.”
Jack continues, “My neighbor softened up when I extended a hand of friendship. I do occasionally stroll over to his place to say hello, because I sense there’s tension in that family. Men need to talk with other men- and it’s high time we opened up with each other.”
Jack is intelligent enough to look beyond quarrels and craziness. He’s using human kindness as leverage for positive change. We wish there were more men like Jack.
Vocabulry:
1.ego: 自尊心
2.ripple effect: 滾雪球效應
3.briar:荊棘 plow into: 強行闖入
4.brew: 即將發生(通常指不好的事情)
5.leverage: 影響力
Questions:
1.Have you ever done something that made other upset? If so, did you apologize to them? What’s your feeling before and after you apologize to them?
2.If someone offends you and not apologizes to you after that, what’s your feeling and what would you do for it?
3.Sometimes people are forced to apologize (ex: entertainers or politicians said something ridiculous in public, and people asked them to say sorry). Even they do it, do you think they really introspect about what they did?
4.Sometimes even A apologizes to B, but B cannot forget it. Why it happens? Is there any method to solve it?
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