For those you who have taken English writing tests, they can be a terrifying experience. While many of you may consider grammar, sentences or vocabulary the real bitch, I'd say it is the structure and the different way of reasoning that screw us up. Have you ever read anything free from grammatical and wording errors and yet full of nonsense? Let's find out.
Below is an introduction part of an essay that I wrote in response to an ex-TOEFL writing topic, “Do you like to eat out or eat at home?”
"Eating is important. If we do not eat, we die. Eating has been a big part of every culture on the planet throughout history. It exists when there is mankind, even earlier before fire was discovered. Back then, when there was no fire people ate uncooked meat and drank the blood of the animal that they hunted. Because of lack of cooking, there were bacteria on everything they ate, and they got people sick, and even killed at a young age. It makes me wonder why Japanese still eat raw fish and not very well cooked chicken and pork today and why my family is willing to pay a high price to go to a Japanese restaurant every time we have a family reunion. When questioned by my parents and my two teen nieces why I try no raw fish, I would cite the heath reasons and they would laugh hard. Therefore, Japanese food is definitely not on my list. Thai food, on the other hand, is my favorite, but sadly to say it has become very expensive these days. I guess I'd better cook at home for myself, now that my family thinks I am nuts."
Everyone, please comment on the above passage as hard and as critically as you can. In your comments, focus on its style, connectivity (from sentence to another) and unity (consistency with the writing topic) when answering the following questions:
a. What's good about this introduction?
b. Where seems to be the problem? Why?
c. Is it nonsense? Why?
d. Any part of it you want to fix?
We never know how poorly we write until we can fully appreciate what poor writing is. So, give it your best shot and I look forward to your reply with enthusiasm.
