These are from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. Some of these are excellent - don't miss the last one.
>Q: Are you sexually active?
>A: No, I just lie there
>Q: What is your date of birth?
>A: July fifteenth.
>Q: What year?
>A: Every year.
>Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
>A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
>Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
>A: Yes.
>Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
>A: I forget.
>Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
>Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
>A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
>Q: How long has he lived with you?
>A: Forty-five years.
>Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
>A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
>Q: And why did that upset you?
>A: My name is Susan.
>Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
>A: We both do.
>Q: Voodoo?
>A: We do.
>Q: You do?
>A: Yes, voodoo.
>Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
>Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
>Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
>Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
>A: Yes.
>Q: And what were you doing at that time?
>Q: She had three children, right?
>A: Yes.
>Q: How many were boys?
>A: None.
>Q: Were there any girls?
>Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
>A: By death.
>Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
>Q: Can you describe the individual?
>A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
>Q: Was this a male, or a female?
>Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
>A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
>Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
>A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
>Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
>A: Oral.
>Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
>A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
>Q: And Mr.. Dennington was dead at the time?
>A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
>Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
>Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
>A: No.
>Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
>A: No.
>Q: Did you check for breathing?
>A: No.
>Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
>A: No.
>Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
>A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
>Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
>A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law somewhere.
