An English joke

[CarmenTao]

I'm reading the December issue of Reader's Digest, Asian English version. Here is something interesting I wanna share with you.

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.
"I couldn't help but notice how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long and happy life?"
"I smoke 3 packs of cigarettes a day," he said. " I drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods and don't exercise."
"That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?"
"Twenty-six."

[Dimitri]

To Carmen,

I've read this one on reader's digest, too.

But the last issue of reader's digest I read is about 1.5 years ago.....

[CarmenTao]

Really? Thank God I don't read Reader's Digest often.

[Cyber]

Dear Carmen,

While reading the first part of the joke, I assumed it was describing my father. He is such a kind person. While I kept on reading till the end, it turned out to be describing myself. Alas, I feel old just because of wasting too much energy on play during springtime.

[rock]

Wow! Cyber really told a joke which is even funnier than the first one. Good for you! But I cannot see that you are old according to your photo: your hair is shiny and smooth.

[Murphy Yang]

Women over Forty--from a man's point of view

這是美國CBS 60 Minutes (六十分鐘 ) 主持人Andy Rooney 對40歲以上的女人的看法 :

As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons. why:

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask,
"What are you thinking?"

She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around you whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting.

Women over 40 are dignified.
They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant.

Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

Women get psychic as they age.
You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40, once you get past a wrinkle or two.

A woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart. Older women are forth right and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her. Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons.
Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal.

For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants, making a fool of himself with some 20-year old waitress.

Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”
Here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why ?

Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!

隨著年齡增長, 我越來越珍惜40歲以上的女人，為什麼呢?
40歲以上的女人：
不會在半夜把你吵醒, 然後問你: 你在想什麼 ?
她才不在乎你在想什麼。
40歲以上的女人：
如果不想看球賽她不會坐在你旁邊抱怨東抱怨西，她會去做她想做的、更有趣的事情。
40歲以上的女人穩重自持：
不會在歌劇院或高級餐廳裡.跟你大呼小叫。
當然，若你罪有應得，她們也會毫不猶豫的一槍把你給斃了, 如果她們可以神不知鬼不覺地脫身。
熟女不吝於讚美,不管對方是不是實至名歸，因為她們親身體驗過被忽略的滋味。
女人越老越通靈：
你永遠不需要向40歲以上的女人懺悔，只要能夠對皺紋視而不見。
40歲以上的女人遠比年輕美眉性感，熟女直接又誠實。 如果你是混蛋她們會馬上叫你滾蛋，你完全不需要傷腦筋揣摩她的心意。40 歲以上的女人有很多優點。
40歲以上的男人呢?
相對於每一個性感、迷人的40歲以上的女人，就有一個禿頭, 凸肚的熟男，厚臉皮地跟小他20歲的美眉調情。
女士們，請容許我在這兒, 幫妳們說句公道話: "那些說只想喝免費的牛奶而不願買頭母牛回家的男人實在是太搞不清楚狀況了。
今天有80%的女人寧願不結婚。為什麼呢? 因為她們終於發現不需要為了一根香腸買回整隻豬!


Dear Gentlemen,Remember
Drink little,eat little,and exercise much if you don't want to become a pig when young.
That's what I have learned from Carmen's Joke!


By the way,"Carmen" reminds me of another "Cartman".
http://www.southparkstuff.com/informati ... c_cartman/

[Dimitri]

The article Murphy posted is very interesting. I've seen that from different sources (friends' e-mail, etc...) many time, but every time I see this I'll still read it through again.

The even more interesting thing is, from every source, this article comes with a Chinese translation, which is, frankly speaking, lousy. For example, "right off" doesn't mean "滾蛋". It means immediately, without hesitating. I believe you blokes can find some more.